Parade of Fools

By Rob C.

Art by Chan Lowe

Welcome to General Lie-senhower’s clown car of incompetence—where Trump humiliates himself by cos-playing wartime commander, while unleashing a parade of unqualified hacks on every major agency. Donald-Napoleon-Bone-Spurs loves a parade. Tanks, flags, and now, the National Guard rolling through American cities like we’re all extras in his personal dictatorship pageant. The Guard isn’t defending against hurricanes or wildfires anymore—they’re stage props for Trump’s “law and order” cosplay. And while the Guard stomps through Democratic strongholds, Trump’s actual parade is happening in Washington: a parade of fools, incompetents, and loyalist hacks filling the highest levels of government.

Strap in as we spotlight the some of the worst offenders and their failing upward “promotions.” These aren’t “the best people.” These are the worst offenders—dangerous, delusional, and dressed for television, not governance.

FEMA: Disaster’s New Face lift…

FEMA has been gutted under Trump. Remember when FEMA was supposed to help disaster victims? Now it’s an agency gutted of staff and riddled with loyalists, where whistleblowers are sent home for the crime of telling the truth. Trump’s hand-picked interim director, David “WMD” Richardson, who wears blue jeans, rings on three fingers, cowboy boots and a straw planters hat, has fired over 200 staffers. Richardson greeted staff with: “I alone speak for FEMA—don’t get in my way … I will run right over you”. Charming. Exactly what you want in the middle of hurricane season: a dictator cosplaying disaster relief. Cameron Hamilton, the once interim leader, was ousted for telling Congress he believed FEMA shouldn’t be eliminated. Now, more than 180 current and former employees are crying foul in a letter titled the “Katrina Declaration,” warning staff cuts and contract delays could lead to another Hurricane Katrina-level disaster. Those concerned staffers? Put on paid leave—apparently dissent is a firing offense.

DHS: Bullying, Not Border Security

Take Trump’s pick at the Department of Homeland Security: Kristi Noem: AKA -“ICE Barbie.” Is a dog-killing, cosmetic surgery spokesmodel whose parade of outfits would fit better on a Fox News set than in a cabinet briefing. She doesn’t just embody cruelty—she flaunts it. Under her leadership, DHS isn’t focused on security, but on intimidation, photo ops, and the politics of fear. Call it the Ministry of Style over Substance.

Intelligence Purge and Political Indoctrination

Over at DNI, Dept. National intelligence, Trump has turned loyalty tests into policy. Under Tulsi Gabbard, security clearances are revoked not for security breaches, but for failing to echo the Dear Leader’s talking points. Revoking security clearances from 37 top professionals, including analysts who flagged Russian interference in 2016. Suddenly, national security means “tell me what I want to hear, or hit the road.”

Tulsi Gabbard’s purge at ODNI gutted decades of experience because expertise doesn’t matter—obedience does. The CIA, once a bulwark against foreign threats, is now being hollowed out in favor of cronies who treat national security like campaign opposition research.

State Department: From Diplomacy to Debauchery

The State Department isn’t doing much better. Seasoned diplomats who understood geopolitics have been displaced by political loyalists with zero foreign policy experience, who think diplomacy means “smiling in a photo with Trump.” The once-respected ranks of American diplomacy now look like a revolving door of sycophants on scholarship abroad.

Legal thespians: Trump’s DOJ tragic relief

And let’s not forget the lawyers—Trump’s legal fixers like Emil Bove and Alina Habba who’ve turned the Department of Justice into a side-hustle for Fox News segments and a performative grift. These are the people weaponizing the DOJ, defending lies, and redefining “justice” as what makes Fox News headlines. Their job isn’t justice; it’s making Trump’s lies sound vaguely legal, so long as you don’t look too closely.

Bonus Round: Soft Landings for the Awful

Even when Trump’s geniuses fail, they don’t get fired—they get “promoted.”

• Mike Waltz, Mr. Major Malfunction - ousted as National Security Advisor for sharing a sensitive military plan in a Signal group, got appointed as UN Ambassador.

• Billy Long, the IRS chief who turned audits into lemonade, is now ambassador to—get this—Iceland, so, he can tax fish?

• Tammy Bruce, the Fox pundit, got redeployed to the UN as deputy envoy.

• Inspectors General? 17 gagged in a single “Friday night purge”—so much for accountability.

Even failure is rewarded in this parade. Get caught leaking classified information? Don’t worry, you’re now an ambassador. Turn the IRS into a punchline? Congratulations, you’re shipped off to a soft landing abroad. Loyalty is the only qualification that matters, and incompetence is practically a job requirement.

The Absurdity in Plain Sight

It’s amazing—Trump loathes government until he seizes it. This isn’t just government by fools—it’s government as a reality show, where every bad episode ends with a cushy consolation prize. His "best people" aren’t experts—they're sycophants, paraded into power, then shuffled off when they embarrass themselves and him. The cruelty is deliberate, the danger is real, and the only thing consistent is the loyalty oath.