And now a “Public Safety” announcement — that magical buzzword every politician loves to toss around like glitter at a parade. “We’re going to keep Americans safe,” they say. “Strong borders, strong economy, strong nation.”
Sounds great, right? Except here’s the problem: under Trump 2.0 and his merry band of deregulation junkies — the DOG-E crew (Destroy Our Government – Everywhere) — America isn’t safer. It’s actively more dangerous. And not in the abstract, far-off, geopolitical way. We’re talking about the stuff that hits you right in the fridge, your wallet, your hospital room, your flight path — and your WiFi.
Let’s run the damage report.
Airplanes, Food, and Nuclear Reactors — What Could Go Wrong?
Remember when Trump 2.0 came in hot with promises to “drain the swamp” and “cut the red tape”? Well, it turns out that a lot of that “red tape” was your safety net.
Air Traffic Controllers: Fired, furloughed, or forced into early retirement. But don’t worry, if your next flight feels like it was guided by a guy playing Flight Simulator in his mom’s basement — it’s probably because it was.
Food Inspectors: Gone. USDA staff slashed, and inspections of meat and produce outsourced to… drumroll… the meat companies themselves! Because when you’re trying to maximize profit, checking for E. coli is just such a buzzkill.
Nuclear Safety Regulators: Also trimmed. If you ever wanted to feel the thrill of living near a nuclear plant with fewer inspections than your neighborhood pool, Trump’s got you covered.
Medical Researchers: NIH and CDC cuts, scientific brain drain, and a revolving door of conspiracy theorists promoted to “experts.” Who needs immunologists when you’ve got a MyPillow guy?
And it doesn’t end there. Rail safety, chemical plant oversight, environmental protections — all gutted. Apparently, the only thing standing between you and a toxic spill is a vague prayer and a MAGA bumper sticker.
Digital Insecurity Brought to You by DOG-E
Now enter Musk and his DOG-E minions, who think “cybersecurity” is just a liberal hoax — like climate change, empathy, or paying your taxes.
Under DOG-E, federal agencies lost not just professionals but data. Sensitive data. Your data. Health records, Social Security info, internal agency protocols — casually accessed, shuffled, or exposed by tech bros with no clearance but excellent résumés from Elon’s fan club.
And of course, once the breach was made public, DOG-E did what any responsible government agency would do: lied about it, claimed it was “minimal,” and then… quietly covered their tracks and fudged the numbers after giving the keys to the back door to Russian hackers. Oops. Millions of Americans’ information, now floating in some shady forum in St. Petersburg. But hey, look — the budget spreadsheet looks leaner!
But Wait — There’s More: Attacking Your Retirement
Think you’re safe financially? Think again.
Social Security: Trump keeps promising to “cut the waste” — which, translated from MAGA-speak, means “gut the program you paid into your whole working life” and then turn your money over to Wall St. bankers to gamble with.
Tariffs: Remember those? Yeah, Trump 2.0’s favorite toy. They’re back, and much worse. But now they’re aimed not just at China but at allies and trading partners. That’s great for your 401(k) — if by “great” you mean “prepare to see your retirement portfolio spiral like a paper airplane in a hurricane.” And just for kicks, you get to pay higher prices on almost everything you buy. �So, if you’ve ever plan to retire, invest, or just buy literally anything made with steel, you already know: tariffs are economic landmines. They’re bad for trade, bad for markets, and terrible for your retirement savings.�But you know who they’re great for?
People with advance notice.
Right before Trump made his big tariff announcement, guess what? Someone — let’s call them “a very stable genius’ friend” — made a massive, highly specific bet on market chaos. And wouldn’t you know it, the tariffs hit, the markets tanked, and someone walked away with a sweet payday.
Coincidence? Please.
It’s insider trading with a MAGA hat on — using government chaos as a stock market slingshot. Regular Americans lose their jobs or their pensions while these guys literally profit from destruction.
Do we have evidence? Not yet. But I’m sure our AG, Pam Bondi, will certainly get right on that. (ooops, they fired the “white collar crimes” department). Trump’s inner circle isn’t exactly big on oversight. Do you think the same folks who ran a coup attempt on live TV wouldn’t also tip each other off before jacking up tariffs and crashing the markets before removing them? Somebody made billions, we have the reciepts.
Trump: “Tough on Crime,” Except When It’s Crime He Commits
Meanwhile, Trump is spending your tax dollars — six million of them — to pay a foreign dictator to jail legal residents who had the gall to criticize him. And no, they’re not MS-13 members or ISIS militants. These are students, journalists, and political opponents. But it’s okay — as long as they weren’t wearing “Let’s Go Brandon” hats, who cares?
This isn’t safety. It’s state-sponsored hostility — toward the facts, toward democracy, and toward you. First they came for…
So, About Those “Savings”
DOG-E’s biggest flex? “We’re saving taxpayers billions!”
Let’s break it down: They cut regulations that protected your health — now you pay for cancer treatment out-of-pocket.
They slashed oversight of food and medicine — now you’re playing Russian roulette with your groceries.
They cut digital security — and now you’ve got a Russian credit score.
The highlight is that they apparently can’t do math, the numbers they posted had to be drastically revised down because they don’t understand how contracts work, or realized the money had already been spent.
So yeah, congrats on the “savings.” Hope you enjoy spending them on hospital bills, financial fraud, and bottled water because your tap now glows in the dark.
And let’s not forget the “highly qualified” DOG-E staff: a revolving door of former interns, influencers, and libertarian Reddit moderators who now manage the very agencies they used to tweet about defunding.
The Price of Freedom (Is Apparently Your Safety)
Here’s the kicker: not only is your health, security, and financial future at risk — you are paying for it. With your tax dollars. With your privacy. With your dignity. This isn’t government efficiency. It’s government sabotage wrapped in a flag and sold with a red hat discount.
Because in Trump’s America, “safety” means keeping him safe — from prison, from the truth, from accountability. The rest of us? We’re on our own.
Welcome to the Chaos Economy
So the next time someone tells you that Trump or DOG-E is making America safer, ask them one question:
For who?
Because it’s not for the family trying to afford insulin. It’s not for the airline passenger hoping their pilot isn’t running on fumes and prayers. It’s not for the retiree watching their pension nosedive.
Trump 2.0 isn’t a return to greatness — it’s a high-speed crash with no seatbelts, no airbags, and a flaming Twitter feed for a GPS.
by Rob C.
Art by Christopher Weyant