The Midas Touch? More Like the Minus Touch:

Because the only thing more dangerous than a corrupt administration is one run by a guy whose main qualification is failing six separate companies.

By Rob C.

TL;DR: The guy who started life with a golden spoon worth at least $413 million has spent his entire career burning through cash and filing for bankruptcy. Now he’s leading the US economy into the ditch, hiding job loss data, and making up the difference by shilling $399 gold sneakers, NFTs, and Bibles he’s never cracked open. The administration isn’t just corrupt; it’s the most spectacularly inept disaster in modern history.

Donald Trump is famous for two things: claiming to be a “self-made billionaire” and bankrupting anything he touches. Let’s start with the first lie, because it sets the stage for every other staggering failure.

The man who claims he started with a “very small loan of a million dollars” actually had a golden spoon the size of a shovel. Investigations have confirmed he inherited, or was given, a staggering $413 million from his father’s empire, often through dubious tax schemes. The $413 million, by the way, is just the documented haul—a fortune most of us couldn’t spend in ten lifetimes. And what did our little dictator-tot do with this unprecedented head start?

He ran it into the ground, repeatedly.

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The Cemetery of Failed Brands

Forget the six corporate bankruptcies of the casinos (Taj Mahal, Trump Plaza, Trump Castle, et al.)—those were just the main events. His failed endeavors read like a desperate yard sale put on by a delusional uncle:

• Trump Steaks: Because who doesn’t want an overpriced, mediocre cut of beef named after a man whose diet consists primarily of fast food? The brand fizzled out faster than a sparkler.

• Trump Vodka: “Success distilled.” Clearly, that marketing slogan was a lie. The brand collapsed, proving that not even hard liquor could hold up the Trump name.

• Trump University: A certified scam that was forced to pay a $25 million settlement to students who were defrauded by the unlicensed “real estate training program.” You literally had to pay to be ripped off by this man.

• Trump Shuttle (Airlines): Launched with maple-wood veneer and gold-colored seat-belt latches, the luxury airline never turned a profit and quickly defaulted on its loans. Because travelers want convenience, not tacky opulence.

And let’s not forget the Donald J. Trump Foundation, which he was ordered to dissolve and pay a $2 million fine for illegally using it to pay his personal business debts and settle lawsuits. So, in summary: he was born obscenely rich, failed at everything he tried, and then stole from his own charity. Is it any surprise this genius is now running the country?

The Ineptitude Tax on America

The disastrous track record of his private life has now become the disaster of our public life, proving that the most corrupt administration in history is also the most inept.

When the job loss numbers under his watch became too ugly to spin, his administration did the obvious, tyrannical thing: they withheld the official BLS data. They literally tried to hide the fact that the economy was hemorrhaging jobs, forcing the public to rely on independent ADP numbers that showed private sector losses that should have triggered a national panic.

Meanwhile, his brilliant trade strategy—slapping massive tariffs on imports—has done exactly what every sane economist predicted: it became a crushing tax on American consumers and small businesses. Prices on everyday goods soared, and small businesses that relied on global supply chains were ruined. The tariffs didn’t hurt China; they hurt the guy selling tools in Akron, Ohio.

The Gilded Side Hustle

But fear not for the Trump family finances! When the country’s economy stalls, The Leader pivots to the grift.

To offset his massive legal and financial liabilities, the man whose personal brand is monumental failure is now hawking the most absurd collection of side-hustles the world has ever seen:

✨👟 $399 Gold Sneakers: The “Never Surrender High-Tops”—a final, desperate plea for cash, marketed to a base that can ill afford them.

🃏 NFTs: Digital trading cards—a purely speculative scam—featuring him in ridiculous costumes. For a guy who doesn’t understand the internet, he sure knows how to shill ephemeral digital garbage.

📖 Bibles: And the crowning hypocrisy: a “God Bless the USA Bible” for sixty bucks. This from a man who has admitted he’s never read the book, a man who quotes “Two Corinthians” and uses Scripture as a prop. The audacity of the grift is simply breathtaking.

📱 Trump Phone: And the side hustles just keep coming. For the true sycophant, there is the Trump Phone - a cheap knock-off smartphone featuring all the security and privacy of a soggy napkin. It’s essentially a tracking device with a gold-plated logo, perfect for the kind of person who believes the government is spying on them but is happy to pay a premium to have Donald Trump’s company do the job instead.

⌚ Trump Watch: Need to tell time? Forget Swiss craftsmanship. You need the Official Trump Watch, a tacky, oversized wrist anchor that screams “I prioritized loyalty over quality.” It’s the horological equivalent of a three-dollar bill: cheap components wrapped in a gaudy, fake-gold case. They don’t just tell time, they tell the world that your financial judgment is as sound as Trump’s bankruptcy history.

This is the ultimate con: a man born into wealth, who failed at every business venture, and failed at 3 marriages, is now failing America’s economy, and funding his legal defense by selling tacky junk to his most loyal supporters. The conclusion is simple: we are being ruled by an enterprise that is not just criminal, but fundamentally, spectacularly stupid.

— Robert Cain, author of Democracy for Sale: How Corporate Greed Is Corrupting Democracy and Endangering the Planet.