How to Unf*ck America, Part 8: Privatization

By Rob C.

Art by Steve Sack

TL;DR: America didn’t accidentally get screwed by privatization — it was a hostile takeover conducted in broad daylight. Corporations bought our water, our power, our roads, our prisons, and our military — and then billed us for the privilege of being robbed. Time to take our sh*t back.

How to Unf*ck America, Part 8: Privatization — The Hostile Takeover Masquerading as “Efficiency”

For decades, politicians have told us the same bedtime story: privatization makes everything more efficient. And like every bedtime story told by someone who pockets campaign donations from Lockheed Martin, Exxon, GEO Group, and whatever hedge fund currently owns half the country’s parking meters — it’s a lie.

Privatization is not “modernization.” It’s selling your house to an arsonist and then renting back a charred room at triple the price.

Let’s unpack this.

Welcome to Corporate America: Please Insert Credit Card To Continue Civilization

Remember when public services were… public?
Remember when “infrastructure” meant “things built collectively with tax dollars for the common good,” not:

A revenue stream for Wall Street, an “asset class” for billionaires, or something owned by a multinational conglomerate headquartered in a tax haven with a population of 11 people and 400 shell companies?

Those were the days.

Now: Water, sewage, parking meters, highways, emergency services, and entire neighborhoods’ energy systems have been auctioned off like stolen goods in the world’s trashiest pawn shop.

What does privatization actually mean?

It means we pay more, get less, and then get told it’s our fault for drinking water wrong or using electricity incorrectly.

Water? Sorry, That’s a Premium Feature Now

As I wrote in Democracy for Sale:
Water privatization has crashed and burned so many times that if it were a product on Amazon, it would have a 1-star rating with reviews like “This company poisoned my town, would not recommend.”

Cities were promised lower costs, better maintenance, and world-class management.
What they got: skyrocketing rates, contaminated water, and fire hydrants that literally didn’t work, and the companies leave town overnight like a deadbeat boyfriend with the rent overdue.

Turns out, when your business model is “maximize profits,” things like clean drinking water become “nice-to-haves.”

Parking Meters: Chicago’s 75-Year Mugging

Ah yes, the famous Chicago Meter Heist:
City officials privatized parking meters for a one-time cash infusion so tiny it wouldn’t cover a mid-range hedge fund manager’s annual cocaine budget.

Chicagoans now pay some of the highest meter rates in the country, and every time the city wants to close a street for repairs, festivals, or protests, it owes the private company money.

Yes, you read that right: Chicago has to pay Wall Street when citizens exercise their First Amendment rights.

Land of the free, baby.

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Sewage & Utilities: Your Waste Is Their Fantastic Profit Margin

Private sewer systems from the Southeast to Pennsylvania have the same story arc:

1. Company buys system, 2. Company immediately raises rates. 3. Company neglects maintenance. 4. System fails catastrophically. 5. Company demands another rate hike to fix the problem they caused.

It’s the business model equivalent of lighting your kitchen on fire and charging you for marshmallows.

The Worst Privatization of All: The Military-Industrial Money Volcano

Now we get to the crown jewel of American grift: the privatized U.S. war machine.

As I wrote in Democracy for Sale, the military-industrial complex isn’t just bloated — it’s on performance-enhancing drugs.

Private contractors run: Logistics, cybersecurity, intelligence operations, weapons, evelopment, IT systems, maintenance, laundry, cafeteria services, and sometimes even the bases themselves.

In Iraq and Afghanistan, contractors outnumbered troops.
It was less “the U.S. military” and more “Blackwater with air support.”

And the best part?

No-bid contracts.

Cost-plus contracts.

Inflated bills that would make a mobster blush.

If the Pentagon were a person, it would be that friend who Venmos you:

“$1,487 — your share of the Uber.”

War has become so privatized that the Defense Department can’t pass a basic audit — sixteen times in a row.
If the IRS can garnish your wages over a $300 mistake, but the Pentagon misplaces $2 trillion and gets a pat on the head, congratulations:
You live in an oligarchy dressed as a democracy.

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Private Prisons: Crime Pays… If You Run the Prison

Companies like GEO Group and CoreCivic have built an entire business model on mass incarceration.

Their incentives are simple:

More inmates = more profit

Longer sentences = more profit

Tougher laws = more profit

Harsher immigration enforcement = more profit

They lobby for: mandatory minimums, stop-and-frisk, harsher drug laws, and anti-immigrant crackdowns.

…and then pretend it’s all about “public safety.”

Private prisons profit when Americans suffer.
No wonder they treat rehabilitation like a communist plot.

How Privatization F*cks You (A Helpful List)

• Prices go up

• Service quality goes down

• Workers get screwed

• Executives get rich

• Taxpayers pay twice — once for the sale, once for the new bills

• Cities lose control of their own infrastructure

• Democracy gets weaker

• Corporations get stronger

Privatization is not efficient.
It’s economic looting with a PowerPoint presentation.

Time to Take Our Sh*t Back

Want to unf*ck America?
Then we need to:

1. Reclaim public utilities.

Clean water should not require venture capital.

2. Rebuild public energy systems.

We can’t fight climate change if Exxon owns the thermostat.

3. End private prisons.

Incarceration for profit is barbarism wrapped in accounting.

4. Bring the military back under military control.

Defense contractors should not write our foreign policy.

5. Ban no-bid contracts.

If you want taxpayer money, you should have to compete for it.

6. Treat critical infrastructure like what it is: a public good.

Democracy doesn’t work when everything is pay-to-play.

Privatization didn’t make America freer or richer —
it made it weaker, poorer, and owned by fewer people than ever before.

It’s time to reverse the heist.

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Robert Cain, is author of Democracy for Sale: How Corporate Greed Is Corrupting Democracy and Endangering the Planet