How to Unf*ck America

By Rob C.

Art by John Cole

TL;DR:
The billionaires bought the government, the judges legalized it, and now we’re supposed to bend over and take it in the name of “freedom.”

Remember when democracy was supposed to be “of the people, by the people, for the people”? Cute, right? Turns out, it’s now of the billionaires, by the lobbyists, for the donors. Somewhere between Reaganomics and Elon Musk tweeting from his $90,000 toilet, the United States quietly turned into a corporate auction house — and the highest bidders are writing the laws, interpreting the Constitution, and appointing the judges.

As I wrote in my book, Democracy for Sale, the billionaire class didn’t just corrupt politics — they bought the damn building. Through dark money networks, captured courts, and armies of think tanks, they’ve transformed what used to be a messy but functioning democracy into a pay-to-play aristocracy.

And no one chronicled this better than Jane Mayer in Dark Money, which should really be required reading for anyone who still thinks America is a “free market.” Spoiler: it’s free only for those who can afford to buy a Supreme Court seat. The Koch brothers, the DeVos family, and a dozen other right-wing oligarchs (all members of CNP) realized long ago that controlling elections was expensive and fleeting — but controlling the judiciary was cheap and forever. So they invested in the Federalist Society, built pipelines of obedient ideologues, and reshaped the courts to protect corporate interests for generations.

You can draw a straight line from Justice Lewis Powell’s 1971 memo — the corporate battle cry against regulation and democracy itself — to the Koch-funded shadow network Mayer exposed. And those ideas metastasized into today’s reality: billionaires handpicking judges who believe ExxonMobil has free speech rights and your vote doesn’t count.

Then came Citizens United, that shining moment when the Supreme Court looked at a pile of corporate cash and said, “Yep, that looks like speech to us.” The decision unleashed a tsunami of dark money that turned our elections into billion-dollar bloodsports. After that, McCutcheon v. FEC doubled down, making sure the ultra-wealthy could pour as much money as they wanted into the political bloodstream. The result? We’re drowning in corruption so normalized that “legalized bribery” now passes for campaign finance.

And if you think this is just a “Republican problem,” think again. Both parties suckle at the golden teat. Democrats talk about campaign finance reform between fundraisers in Napa (with a few exceptions). The GOP doesn’t even bother pretending — they just name tax cuts after their donors. The result is a political class so beholden to their benefactors that even mild attempts at economic fairness are called “socialism.”

As the authors of Game Changers argue, this system didn’t evolve by accident — it was engineered. Think tanks, PR firms, corporate law schools, and billionaire-funded “grassroots” organizations were built to make oligarchy sound like freedom. Every time you hear “free market,” “limited government,” or “tax relief,” just translate that to: “Please stop asking the rich to pay for anything.”

Meanwhile, the billionaire class has taken over not only the political process but the judicial system meant to check it. Clarence Thomas vacations on a billionaire’s yacht. Samuel Alito conveniently forgets to disclose his private jet trips. And the Chief Justice just shrugs while his wife makes millions from firms that have business in front of the court. The Supreme Court has become a luxury suite for corporate lobbyists in robes, ruling that corporations are people while actual people are forced to sleep in their cars.

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Let’s be honest — this isn’t capitalism. It’s feudalism with better branding. The billionaires own the land (and the data, and the politicians), and the rest of us pay rent in perpetuity.

But here’s the good news: every empire built on greed eventually collapses under its own weight. Americans are beginning to see the scam — to realize that the “free market” isn’t free, and the “invisible hand” has been rifling through their wallets.

If we want to Unf*ck America, we have to start where the infection began: money in politics. Ban dark money. Overturn Citizens United. End the revolving door between Wall Street and Washington. And for God’s sake, make billionaires pay taxes like the rest of us.

Because democracy can’t survive when the only voices that count are coming from behind gold-plated gates.

❤️ If you found this worth your time (or your disgust), please like, share, and subscribe — before democracy itself gets privatized.

🗳️ Written by Robert Cain, author of Democracy for Sale and the ongoing series “How to Unf*ck America.”