by Rob C.
How Trump’s “beautiful” deals stink up the room—and rob the American people blind
Let’s get one thing out of the way: Donald Trump is not a dealmaker. He’s not a brilliant negotiator. He’s not a chess master playing eleven-dimensional MAGA Monopoly. He’s a gasbag in a red tie with a flair for showmanship, a phobia of facts, and a fanbase trained to cheer when he trades steak for sawdust.
And yet, he sold himself as the “Dealmaker-in-Chief.” His greatest hits album? A bloated ghostwritten book called The Art of the Deal, some failed casinos, steaks nobody wanted, a fake university, and now—a presidency riddled with fantasy contracts and real corruption.
Let’s take a whiff, shall we?
The Qatari Clown Jet: “A Beautiful Plane”
Ah yes, the deal that set off alarm bells from D.C. to Doha. Trump’s latest obsession? A $400 million plane from Qatar that they’d been trying to unload like a used Kia with a salvage title. But to Trump? It was “beautiful,” “fantastic,” “the best plane, maybe ever.”
Why did Qatar give it to him? Maybe it had something to do with Trump reversing positions on their blockade. Maybe they wanted to stay in the good graces of a man who mistakes bribery for friendship. Either way, our Commander-in-Discount got taken for a ride—literally.
China’s “Concession” Stand
Remember when Trump launched a full-blown tariff war with China? He swaggered around like a trade Rambo, shouting about unfair deals and how he alone could fix it. Fast forward through rising prices for American farmers, tanking exports, and emergency subsidies… and what did we get?
A vague promise from China to maybe buy some soybeans. That’s it. No structural reforms. No victory parade. Just an IOU wrapped in a press release.
Trump called it a “tremendous win.” The rest of us called it what it was: a retreat disguised as a handshake.
The Phantom Wins
Whether it’s NATO, Canada, or North Korea, Trump has a signature move: stage a photo op, claim victory, and then walk away before anyone checks the receipt.
He pulled out of the Iran Deal with no plan. He left the Paris Climate Accord because he thought coal was making a comeback. And NAFTA? He changed the name and called it new. Classic Trump: slap a gold sticker on the same box and yell, “You’re welcome.”
The truth? These weren’t deals. They were stunts. Flashy distractions while the real business happened behind the scenes.
Meanwhile, in the Back Room…
While Trump’s out front playing Monopoly with dictators and calling it diplomacy, the real action is happening where the cameras don’t go: inside the Beltway boardroom, where the ink is wet on the 2025 Republican Budget Bill (a.k.a. The Great American Shakedown Act).
Here’s what this masterpiece of greed does:
Strips Medicaid from over 20 million Americans, because apparently if you’re not rich, you’re not trying hard enough to live.
Slashes energy efficiency programs, because who needs clean air when your billionaire donors own half the oil fields?
Guts public services—libraries, transit, school lunches, food safety inspections—basically anything that might help regular people survive.
And in case that wasn’t enough of a giveaway to the ultra-wealthy, the bill:
Eliminates the estate tax for billionaires, turning America’s rich kids into royalty with zero inheritance taxes on empires built off worker exploitation.
Expands loopholes for private jets, yachts, and “executive wellness retreats,” which is just a fancy way of saying “your tax dollars are paying for some hedge fund bro’s tequila-soaked spa weekend in Aspen.”
But don’t worry—they’re calling it “fiscal responsibility.”
Funny how that only kicks in when it’s time to take insulin away from a waitress in Des Moines, but never when it’s time to give the DeVos family another offshore tax dodge.
And guess who’s writing the legislation? The same billionaire think tank puppeteers who fund Trump’s Super PACs and ghostwrite his policy bullet points (because, let’s face it, the man’s never read past the headlines).
This isn’t governance. It’s a hostile takeover of the federal government—a leveraged buyout where the American people are the collateral, and the only ones cashing in are the 0.1% who already own everything but your soul.
Conclusion: The Emperor Has No Deals
In the end, The Art of the Deal was just a conman’s cologne—a way to cover the stink of incompetence and disguise the sour truth. Trump doesn’t make deals. He makes headlines, handouts for the wealthy, and hollow promises wrapped in red-white-and-blue rhetoric.
Art – You can buy “The Farting Trump Adult coloring book” @ Amazon 
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