Ah, the great American experiment—democracy, freedom, checks and balances. Cute idea, really. But in his second term, Donald J. Trump, Supreme Leader of the Free World, has finally decided enough is enough with all that nonsense. Why be a mere president when you can be king?
Let’s start with the whole “unitary executive theory” thing. See, the Founding Fathers, in their silly little powdered wigs, thought they were designing a government free from monarchy. But Trump, a self-proclaimed very stable genius, figured out their fatal flaw: if you just act like a king long enough, people might actually start treating you like one. So now, independent government agencies? Those are his playthings. The Federal Communications Commission (FCC), the Federal Trade Commission (FTC)—why should they operate without his royal blessing? No more pesky regulators making life difficult for His Excellency’s friends and donors.
Then there’s the bureaucratic deep state—you know, those pesky career government workers who foolishly believe in things like “laws” and “ethics.” Trump’s second-term masterstroke? Fire ‘em all and replace them with loyalists who will say yes, Your Majesty to anything he wants. You think government workers should be competent and nonpartisan? Oh, how quaint. No, no—Trump’s America needs believers, not “experts.”
And don’t forget the courts! Oh, how inconvenient they can be. But never fear—Trump has installed plenty of judges who know that their real job isn’t to interpret the law but to rubber-stamp whatever grand edict His Majesty desires. When he fired the head of the National Labor Relations Board in direct violation of the law, a pesky judge dared to order her reinstatement. But let’s be real—what is the law to a man who considers himself above it?
Of course, when he’s not busy consolidating power, Trump still finds time to complain about “election fraud” (because clearly, no legitimate democracy could ever function without him) and to ensure that future elections are… shall we say, pre-screened for the right outcome. And if Congress or the Supreme Court dares to step out of line? Well, they’ll learn soon enough that challenging His Majesty comes with consequences.
So here we are, America—one nation under Trump, indivisible, with absolute power and blind loyalty for all. Long live the king! Or, at the very least, long enough for him to find a way around that pesky 22nd Amendment.
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